Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm at about main and main street
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
