things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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