i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
