hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize