clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
