I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
