Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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