Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The air was thick with penises
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dear god my vagina.
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