I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
