well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
