First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
