i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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