the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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