i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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