ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
