Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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