just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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