i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
