Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
