"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize