Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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