Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
