one might say we're banned from that church
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
