It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
