I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i've created a new STD.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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