I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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