he puts the penis in happiness.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
