im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
