Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
