I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
