Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
