I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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