Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
