hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
