The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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