my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize