Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
