so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
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if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
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I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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