I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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