By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
