I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
