I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
