Im at strip club and am horny
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize