Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This is my gift to your gina
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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