Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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