I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
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I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
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when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER