She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
