Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
