I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
