so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
