dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
