If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You were trust falling into bushes
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