I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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