dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
