WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My bed smells like the plague
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