Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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