who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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