2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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