Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
