Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
