i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
