Do you still have your period?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
