I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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