I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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