One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Quick, to the slutcave!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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