we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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