All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
