Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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