felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
