I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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