yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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